50 Shades Of Cancer

Looks like a 50 a day habit, it is in fact turmeric tongue!

I have just been sent home from the Royal Sussex chemo unit as they were unable to administer my chemo treatment this week due to my blood neutrophils being too low. This basically means that my white blood count is too low and if they give me chemo then it is likely to make them go down even further and I could pick up a nasty infection that could potentially finish me off. I have had a virus for the last 5 weeks and have been going out on the town a little too much so now I have put myself into voluntary solitary confinement till Friday when they check my bloods again.

So here I am sitting bored out of my tiny brain, too scared to go out and be amongst the filth and pestilence of the general public in case I catch their germs, not even Christian Grey could shift me from my darkened bedroom.

In a desperate attempt to try and boost my immune system using natural methods, I’ve just made myself a cup of Golden Milk. This sounds like a sex game but it’s actually an age old recipe using turmeric, black pepper, coconut oil and almond milk, see the recipe here. There are articles all over the internet that boast of the healing and anti cancer properties of turmeric and I like to try and work it into my diet as much as possible.

Looks like sewage, tastes like golden heaven.

After knocking it back (it tastes LUSH might I say), I noticed that my tongue had turned bright yellow from the turmeric and it got me thinking just how many times different parts of my body have turned various colours over the course of my diagnosis. So here we have my 50 Shades Of Cancer (well, it’s less than 50 shades but you get the jist). You’ll be pleased to know that I don’t have photos from the more ‘intimate’ shades.

1. Blue: from the dye they injected into my boob for my sentinel lymph node biopsy operation I had back in May last year. It turned  my nipple and surrounding area blue for 6 months after (I nicknamed it smurf boob).

2. Cerise: from the beetroots I’ve been putting in my juices. Very shocking until you realise that you’re not actually pissing blood.

3. Red: from FEC chemo. It turns your piss bright red and makes every single hair on your body fall out.

4. Yellow: from the turmeric in the golden milk I have started to drink everyday. It stains everything yellow resulting in a ‘Simpsons effect’.

5. Brown: from the iodine they use as an antiseptic when operating.

6. Orange: from my hair regrowth. It’s common for hair to grow back thick, curly and a different colour after FEC chemo. Mine has grown back bright orange ALL OVER MY BODY. Think fuzzy orange tennis ball in places where you’d rather have a silky blond landing strip.

7. Black: from the chemo killing off my toe nails so they eventually went black and dropped off. Don’t worry, they didn’t go to waste, I turned my them into these good luck charms for 2015. Quite clearly they had the opposite effect as I’ve never had so much bad luck in my life, ever.

8. Green, blue and purple: from bruising after the sheer amount of times I’ve had a cannula inserted, blood taken, surgery and biopsies. I think I must have been stabbed with a needle at least 300 times in the last year and I’m not even exaggerating.

So there we go, my 50 (or 8) Shades Of Cancer. I hope to get to the cinema next week to watch the film but in the meantime I’ll download the book to occupy myself whilst I’m in isolation till the next blood test on Friday.