Liver a little and painfully laugh a lot

I’m home and recovering from the delightful liver biopsy this morning. The procedure took place under local anaesthetic whilst I was wide awake and lying on my side. The doctor used an ultrasound machine to find the cancer spots on my liver and then took a sample using a machine not dissimilar to a staple gun.

It felt rather strange, like there was a tiny elf inside of me, tugging at, then stabbing my liver. I asked to look at the sample and it looked like a tiny fleshy worm floating around in a specimen jar. It was weird to see a bit of my own cancerous liver staring back at me. I’m still hoping that the results will say WINE rather than CANCER but I know the test was to determine the exact type of cancer I have, so that I can be given the correct treatment.

Liver biopsy selfie.

After the procedure, I had to lie on my side for 4 hours to compress the liver and stop any internal bleeding. During this time I wasn’t to allowed to eat, drink, take painkillers or go to the toilet. Thank god for Facebook and this Jeremy Clarkson piss take video that kept me entertained throughout this time.

Halfway through the 4 hours, a nurse came and placed a paper bag containing my lunch on a table just out of arms reach. It was a torturous hour whilst my tummy rumbled and my mind pondered what edible delights were in the bag (I was nil by mouth since the night before). I had made my mind up that it contained lobster, sushi and champagne but it turned out to be a cheese sandwich, yogurt and some victoria sponge cake.

What’s in the bag mother f@*cker?!

Oh, not lobster, sushi and champagne then…

I’m safe and sound at home now, sore and drowsy watching Dinner Date whilst my lovely house mate cooks me the dinner of a 5 year old (fish fingers, chips and beans NOM NOM)! I keep laughing at things which is very painful, god knows what a sneeze is going to feel like.

Tomorrow I get to spend 3 hours in the ‘head freezer’ (cold cap) whilst starting a new chemo drug called Eribulin which was recently axed from the Cancer Drugs Fund so I consider myself lucky to be having it. Let’s hope it does more than the last drug I was on Gem/Carbo (which did fuck all). Please adorn your lucky pants people!